my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize