Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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