I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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