I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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