Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
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i used baking grease as lip gloss
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
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I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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