Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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