i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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