hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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