My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm getting married
To pizza
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize