I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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