Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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