a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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