watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize