never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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