big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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