I have demons in me.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
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So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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