not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
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Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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