i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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