I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize