last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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