batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize