He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize