Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize