That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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