I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize