Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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