this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize