Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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