There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
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This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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