meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
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Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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