I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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