I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize