you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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