I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize