So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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