My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
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She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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