Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
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you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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