i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize