Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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