I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize