you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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