You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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