everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize