I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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