I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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