I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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