There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize