Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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