I just made out with a guy for $7.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize