respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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